Life is a Kaleidoscope

Last summer, I took a creative writing class in Martha's Vineyard. During one of my writing assignments, I came to the epiphany that life is simply one big kaleidoscope. Let's think of how a kaleidoscope works - we turn the knob and each time we look through the lens, we see a different "picture," based on how the beads move about and the light reflects on them. No picture is better than another, each is simply different in its own beautiful way. When I thought about this, I realized that life is similar. There may not always be a better way, it simply depends on which perspective one views each part of life. (Admittedly for me, the reality of this analogy is more difficult than the realization of it.)

While on my construction assignment this morning, I thought a lot about this concept given my struggles over the past week. I began to chuckle at how blinded am to the underpinnings of the way of life here. Although I am trying not to, my perspective/judgment/opinion comes from the culture I grew up in, rather than what simply is. With this, I began to feel more at ease about each small step we are making here in India, as for this community, these are steps for greater good. In the US, we seem to have a different definition for what "better" looks like.

Next, I thought about humanity. I believe it is our innate desire and need to make things better, however, each of our kaleidoscopes for what "better" looks like differs. In the US, we have figured out how to create a waste management system and to build machines and equipment in order to make things bigger, better, and faster. India is slowly getting there. Regardless, both communities are still trying to make things better. For us, it used to be a phone line to connect to the Internet, then DSL, and now cable modems. How many fad diets have we tried? How big will our TV screens get? And what about our houses? How many outfits do our children have? How many activities do they participate in per week? How many places have you traveled to? How many self-improvement books have you read or classes have you taken? It is all part of our basic human desire to make things better...we all just start from a different place.

I must admit that I admire the Indian culture for still sticking with the family unit as the core of their everyday life.

On a final note before I complete my day and head off for the weekend...
Two weeks ago, when I first started construction, I dreamed that as a woman, I may be accepted by the men whose roles were so specific, yet so different than mine. Today, they asked me to put the plaster on the wall! My understanding is that this is not typically the woman's job. I was honored. Sadly, my van arrived so I made sure to ask them to save me some wall space to plaster next week. For their kindness, openness, and acceptance, I am so grateful.

A Fine Line of Trust, Faith, and Letting Go

I am simply amazed each day at how reading or hearing about a culture, experience, or situation is vastly different than the experience itself. Our group has just completed week 2 of our volunteering and are beginning to have deeper thoughts about the impact we believe to be making on this small Indian community. Last night, I was brought to tears, and even as I write this, I have to hold them back a bit.

My role this week did not involve any construction; instead, I taught. I had the privilege of working with 2-5 year olds on their dexterity and English (i.e., their colors and shapes), teaching nuns and children how to use a computer, and teaching novices conversational English. I cannot express how difficult this has been, but at the same time very rewarding. First of all, each student is so patient - even when they feel frustrated about making a mistake. On the flip side, I noticed that most are afraid to make a mistake and would do anything to please me. As a result, it was difficult to get some to be comfortable with knowing that learning can be fun and mistakes are wonderful because one can learn even more from them.

Many of the people I taught this week had a very limited education and/or significant emotional problems. This meant that each day of teaching was either two steps forward or one (sometimes three) steps back. For example, I worked with an adult for the second time on her computer skills. I could not tell what she comprehended from the first time because the words I said did not seem to translate. I realized this when I tried to teach her about the "Caps Lock" key. I asked, "Is this light on or off (indicating whether the key itself is on or off)?" She looked at me with her doe-like eyes and said, "On or off," and then proceeded to slowly nod her head. This went on three or so times. I finally resorted to writing on a piece of paper that which I wanted her to depict on the computer screen and then did a lot of pointing.

Since Katie left today, my computer teaching to the orphans at SEAMs went from one- or two-on-one to three-on-one. To help keep them engaged and to determine whether they comprehended the activities of the week, I gave them a fun test that Stephen explained to them to make sure they understood the intention of the test. Their goals were to change colors of fonts, select clip art, create graphs, and draw houses with autoshapes coloring them any way they chose. (I am beginning to wonder if the word "choice" exists in the Tamil language because when I told them they could chose any color they wanted, they seemed confused.) Two of the boys flew through most of the test. The boy I worked with one-on-one prior in the week, did not. I knew he was a bit of a perfectionist, but last night, we was simply off. I wondered if he was hurt that he had to share my time with two others. Knowing that they already have to share attention with the 40 kids at the orphanage, I felt terrible. But of course, at the end of our session, he excitedly put away the computer, stood up tall, shook my hand, and proudly walked the computer back to the van. This is how all the orphans are - they have the biggest smiles, politely greet you upon each visit, but at the same time, many have very painful pasts.

When I spoke with Stephen about the difficulty I am having, he reminded me that every bit counts. I realized this is where trust and letting things go come in, which happen to be two of the most difficult things for me to do. Stephen was born here and he has been working with this community for years. As I have come to have great respect for our leader, I must try my best to trust and let go.

Based on these experiences, I begin to see that there is a fine line of right and wrong. First, who is to say what is right or wrong? Is the culture of India right or is the culture of America right? Is neither right? I have had two weeks to be both an observer and participant of the Indian culture - the way families interact, children are taught and disciplined, orphans are taken care of, the role of women. I can honestly say that I cannot answer the question, and yet we all tend to use our own versions of "right" to judge others without walking in their shoes.

One of my volunteering partners began to consider adopting one these children. She then said to me, "How would I really know if my way is better? Although this is different from what I would do, would moving him to experience my way in the States actually make him worse off?" GOOD QUESTION! (She decided it would be selfish to impose her way. She would simply have to find other means to make sure this boy is taken care of in a way that both makes her feel better and helps the boy.)

I Met Elvis Last Night...and Kenny Rogers

Argh! My alarm did not go off so I have 15 minutes before I have to get ready for yoga. However, I do have a funny little story to share. More to come later...

Last night was a treat! Sadly, Katie (from MN) is leaving us today as she signed up for a two-week volunteer program and will be heading to Goa for two weeks of yoga via a woman she met from London. We are sad to see her go; I am especially sad as she and I have lots in common. Luckily, she is one of those girls who loves "girls' trips" and lives in a place kind of close to where my boyfriend, Jon, visits family.

Since it was her last night, Stephen decided to move up our team send-off dinner so that she could enjoy it as well. We went to the Green Park Hotel in Chennai, which was amazing. Of course, my first thought was, "Check out all the space. I could go for another run!" We drove through the gates and got our security clearance, which includes placing the mirror under the car to make sure we don't have bombs under there, a search through the "trunk" of our van, walking through the metal detector, and a half-assed pat down. (On my way out of the hotel, I noticed that anyone Indian was not being patted down..hmm.)

We enter the monstrous hotel with beautiful white marble, a pond filled with fresh lotus flowers, employees in clean, sharp-looking black suits who greeted us with a slight bow of the head. We walked straight to the back of the lobby and saw the most amazing buffet. Our first reaction was, "Darn it! Had I known this, I would not have eaten for two days." (Our bellies feel extremely full because of all the water we drink, the rice we eat, and a lack of fiber in our meals. Note to self: Bring FiberOne on the next visit to India.) I asked the maitre'd if I could take a video as I would never remember the names of the foods. Hopefully, Jon and I can master some of these recipes.

As we began our meal, Katie pointed out that a band (consisting of a trumpet player and keyboardist) was about to play. Since it was 7:30 (Indians eat way later), we were just about the only ones there to enjoy this as well all the businessmen in the lobby. Initially, the band only played music via their instruments. As I began to peruse the dessert table behind me, I start to hear, "Are you Lonesome Tonight?" in perfect English with a country twang. I look up to smile at the band thinking how nice it is that they are playing American words to songs while playing their instruments. Imagine my surprise when I saw that the keyboardist was singing. Yes, he was singing! And no, he was not one who looks like he is from Tennessee either; instead, he looks like an Indian Pavarotti. Of course, I had to go find out more. I introduced myself and asked the singer where he is from. He is Raymond from Chennai...as in India. I told him he sang beautifully, with a perfect accent and that we appreciated his music. I smiled from ear to ear and resisted a chuckle at how awesome this was!

The rest of the evening consisted of more Elvis, Kenny Rogers, Journey, etc. They must have also had a computer system set up as I noticed them taking floppy discs from a bin just before each music set.

On our way home, which was a 30-minute drive, we counted hundreds of motorcycles and rickshaws. The "money" picture I am trying to get is one that has the most people in or on one. So far, we have counted 5 family members on a single motorcycle (mom, dad, three kids) where the mom's colorful sari is glamorously flying through the dust.

After about 15 minutes, we began to great difficulty breathing due to all the pollution from the vehicles. Just as we turned the corner to our guesthouse, one of the teammates asked the quote of the trip. "Which do you prefer - the smell of sewage or the pollution as we drive?" (One tends to smell only one or the other.) Ginny was the only one with a quick reply - "Sewage!"

I love this place!

All About Family

Last night, we had the opportunity to meet Stephen's (our country manager) family. I can't exactly say, "We finally got a home-cooked meal," because we have had the fortune of home-cooked meals everyday. However, you know what it's like to go to grandma's (or at least my grandma's)! Think TGI Friday's-sized portions but the food is so fresh that it won't clog your arteries. Each plate consisted of potatoes, chicken, rice, fish, two types of Indian bread, and mixed vegetables, all of which was flavored with yummy Indian spices. For dessert, we had bananas. I am not even kidding when I tell you my stomach began to expand right below my very eyes.

Stephen, his wife, son, brother, sister-in-law, nephew, and parents live under one roof (~600 sq ft). Some of you may guffaw at this, but before you do, remember that family is the center of the Indian culture and this is simply the way it works, so people are accepting and make it work. I would guess this is a large part of why there is a low divorce rate.

Incredibly, they live on the first floor because they have tenants on the other floors. The first floor consists of a dining room/living room, two small rooms (Stephen, his wife, and son have one, while his brother, sister-in-law, and nephew share the other), a small kitchen (Indians don't corral around the kitchen like we do in the States so it is designed for functional purposes), and a backyard.

You may ask, "Where do the parents sleep?" Stephen says they happily sleep in the hallway. And they are happy people. His mother is gorgeous with large, gold earrings, a decorative gold nose ring, a bright yellow sari, long, dark hair, and a smile as wide as the room. His father is in his final months of teaching the trumpet at a school so far away that he must stay overnight for the one night per week he teaches. (He departs Saturdays and returns Sundays.) He is also a loving, sweet man, but I could tell that grandma (his wife) runs the house. She was not shy to chuckle and tell us that she wishes she would always have her Saturdays and Sundays free, but her husband is retiring so she will deal with it.

Each day that I am in India, I begin to understand my Hungarian roots more and more, which I certainly never expected. Although I have visited Hungary and researched my family genealogy while there, I did not "live" there like I am now here in India, and it was a much shorter visit. India has some similar and some different cultural aspects than Hungary, but I see in every day life here many of the things that which my parents grew up with in Hungary. (My mom lived in a one room apartment with her two brothers and parents. Dad lived off the farm after the Russians took his father to prison for not supporting communism.) Funny enough, my parents had great difficulty adapting to the US's freedoms even though this was the original reason they escaped. And raising American children in a non-accepting small town in FL when they were "fresh off the boat" did not help in their efforts to assimilate. I may not agree with my family's philosophies and sometimes criticisms of my life, but at least I now have context....and I am trying very hard to have compassion.

One of the neatest parts of Stephen's house is the back window that overlooks his backyard. This window is the one his mother spoke through to Sheeba's (Stephen's now wife) sister in order to determine whether she knew any single women to set up Stephen with for an arranged marriage. Her answer was, "How about Sheeba!" They were married about 4 years ago and are doing great.

All in all, I am so appreciative of the graciousness of Stephen, his family, and the Indian community we are helping. I know that each of us is getting so much out of volunteering here and experiencing the culture.

I realize that I have shared little about my work during the day. Given the types of things I am doing right now, it will be better to hear at the week's end what happened. I will share more later. Also, the Global Volunteers blog, which I sent earlier this week, has such details.

You'll Never Know If You Don't Try

I awoke this morning is disarray. Instead of my blanket being wrapped around me, I had some strange gauzy stuff all over. Ahhh! Spider web. No wait! Mosquito net. That was interesting. (Each of our beds is covered with a mosquito net, which helps keep away mosquitoes that escape into our rooms.)

As with all my adventures, I enjoy doing them because there is always a life lesson to be learned as a result of the experience. Some of these lessons are life-changing while others may be small confirmations. I would consider my very special experience with Global Volunteers to be both. It has confirmed for me that life is not a destination, but a journey, which is what makes life and the fact that we, in the US, have the luxury of choices so amazing!

My biggest realization/confirmation is that regardless of what I am doing in life, I must be passionate about that which I am doing, whether it be work-related or personal. This allows me to get through the ups and downs with ease and to be more productive, creative, and generous.

Additionally, by working with this team here, I have realized how important it is to set expectations with people and be honest with yourself about what it is you need. Our team is constantly setting expectations and defining (or in some cases re-defining) roles and responsibilities. Thus, if issues come up, we go straight to our agreements and negotiate from there. As a result, no one feels a sense of not being heard or not valued. Surprisingly, we do this so little in life, whether it be in relationships or a job.

Know that I fully realize these "lessons" are not ones which we have not heard or in some cases, experienced ourselves. What is interesting for me, at least, is that I am realizing the value of these lessons as a result of experience rathr than someone telling me "it is so."

The part I am fearful of is, "Can I implement these lessons in daily life once I leave India?" Yes, we live in a country where we have the luxury of choices, but we must face that within every culture and sub-culture there are unspoken rules and expectations - many of which we may disagree with but we still obey. Is this because change is too hard? Or maybe we don't know how to do it.

On a lighter note, after many of us have tried to figure out how in the world to get the 2-5 year olds at Assisi to sit still, Linda and I tried something new yesterday and it worked! We cut out shapes from construction paper and gave them to the kids. We also provided single sheets of construction paper, colored pencils, and a glue stick. They were engaged!!!! We did it! (In the past, we tried flashcards, games, and singing, but they each lasted about 2 minutes.)

So it is true...you'll never know if you don't try.

Week 2 Begins with....

The second of three work weeks officially started yesterday, which meant trying something new, which is both scary and exiting. Linda and I switched with Ann and Ginny such that we are now working at Assisi, the daycare/orphanage, in the morning, and they are doing construction. In some ways, I like the construction. For one, we clearly see the fruits of our labor, and second, we get exercise. Hatha yoga (a more relaxed style) and walks in the heat are not cutting it - especially given all the food we are eating! (Last night we learned to make Poori, a puffy bread.)

Assisi is quite an interesting place, where 40 kids between ages 2 to 5 spend their day there while mom and dad work (18 are orphaned residents). While the sisters love the children, they have a disciplinary style that I am not quite used to. Sister X's disciplinary method is a ruler, which she seems to like because every time she gets near a wall or post, she taps her ruler. (Luckily, I did not see her using it on any kids!) Sister Y's disciplinary method is a towel, which she tends to use when the kids are watching a movie because there are a few who like to bite, chase, or steal undies! Maybe I am not used to this disciplinary style but it is impressive how obedient the kids are when the sisters are present.

For those parents reading my blog, get this - the kids are pottie trained by the time they are walking! It is the most amazing thing to witness. Imagine a cute little baby wearing shorts walking up to you, pulling on your skirt as if to say, "It is time." This could mean "walk me to the toilet" or "I already went, so please wash me." Washing consists of taking the child's naked bottom and rinsing it with a hose. Then the child hands you its undies so you can put it on, or they put it on themselves. (By the way, another thing India is doing to help the environment - they use cloth diapers.)

I learned a new trick today - the instant face-wiper, where the kids wander around with an attached hankie. This tiny, colorful cloth is pinned to their shirts with a safety pin, which allows you to wipe their runny noses or dirty mouths in an instant.

Trying to teach these kids was its own entertainment. We had a little instigator in our group so every time he did something, the other kids would follow, except for the shy ones who just stood next to us in sheer terror. Remember, these are young kids who don't know English and everyone who speaks to them, except for us, speaks Tamil. As a result, half the battle is their age while the other is the language barrier, so we are quite forgiving (and confused).

For my sanity, I consider each small win a success. George, who I have met once before, finally walked up to me at the end of the day and allowed me to pick him up. The first group of kids we attempted to teach English to finally sat still for more that 20 seconds when we 1) taught them "Duck, Duck, Goose" and 2) let them draw on the chalkboard. I had them tracing their hands and feet, writing numbers on each finger and toe. Their favorite was copying my smiley faces.

A few of us ventured out for a brief walk today. I went to the grocery store to get more detergent. Upon arrival, I was stalked by a clerk. At this point, I am on "people overload" in this crowded city and any part of me that believes in a philosophy of acceptance similar to Buddhists is dissipating! I looked at her and requested she stop following me.

Then there was the checkout process. My detergent cost 8 Rupees, which is the equivalent of 20 US Cents, but it took three people to take care of me. The first girl rings me up and tells me to go to the girl behind me to pay. Girl #2 gives me a stamped receipt and tells me to turn around to give it to the first girl who stamps it again. Then, a guy bags my stuff. I walk out completely confused. Is this system due to boredom, lack of jobs, or something I can't possibly understand? I tell myself, "Yoga breathing. Yoga breathing." (This is my calling to l-e-t i-t g-o!)

On a very positive note, I went to the tailor who measured me for my beautiful sari. So if you know of any Indian weddings coming up, can I be your date?

I neglected to mention that on our weekend getaway, we went to an astrology reading. There is a lovely old man who sits on a blanket in the vicinity of the 7th and 8th century rock carvings with his cards and parrot. We all had an astrology reading, and mine was certainly fitting. Katie had us laughing because she tuned out our readings after the guy told her she was getting married, and she is not even dating anyone.

How does this reading work? First, you need a translator, which we had. Then, you sit down and tell the guy your name. The parrot comes out of its cage and selects cards, one of which is given to the reader. The parrot goes back into his cage and the reading begins. Note: If the reader gives the parrot seeds, that means the parrot is trained to pick certain cards so your reading is rigged. Thankfully, this was not the case for us.

If you are interested in Global Volunteers, check out our team blog. This will help you get another perspective. http://indiateamjournal.blogspot.com/

The Tourist Side

One of the nice things about Global Volunteers is that we work 40-hour weeks from Monday to Friday, which gives us the opportunity to go away for the weekend. This weekend, we went to Kancheepuram, Pondicherry, and Mamallapuram. We went to each destination by van so I was able to catch up on reading, writing, and sleeping. By the way, in case I have not mentioned, I am reading Holy Cow by Sarah MacDonald. For those of you who have been to India or are coming here, buy it! It is a hysterical depiction of the life and culture of India.

Saturday morning was spent in Kancheepuram where we visited temples carved in the 1700s and shopped for silks. Upon arrival, I was disappointed to see "white people" until I looked at my hands and realized I was one of them. Having been in the community of Chennai on this volunteer assignment, I guess I started to mistake myself as an Indian. Who knows? Anyway, I made myself get over the fact that tourists invade these parts and the locals beg. Why do they beg? Because they know that naive tourists will give in, so here is a lesson: Do not look at or talk to the people trying to sell you anything; otherwise, you will be followed for miles.

Our tour of temples consisted of three temples. The first one was kamakshi where we had the joy of riding an elephant. It is trained to lift its leg, which I climbed, and then you grab onto the rope around its neck, while swinging your leg over. After the bareback ride, I stood in front of the elephant and he put his trunk on my head! The locals give him Rupees (in his trunk) and then he "blesses" them by putting his trunk on their head as they bow.

At ekambranatha temple, we experienced acupuncture (not the kind where you lay down and get pricked). The building is carved (yes, carved) such that there is a walkway surrounding the center temple, which only Hindis can enter. One must first walk this path, typically, five times, and then enter the temple. Why? The stones on this path are purposefully uneven so as to calm you down, through acupuncture, before entering the temple. I will tell you that it got rid of my headache.

At varadarajasamy temple, they were preparing for a special festival so one of the buildings was covered and under construction. However, we did walk around the temple of 100 columns, each of which is carved out of one piece of stone. In some stones, we saw kama sutra poses.

Then onto silk shopping. This was amazing, and I want Barack Obama to pass a bill that we ladies wear saris and that men and women should wear salwar kamis (think comfy pajamas that look good). One thing about Indian people, moreso the women, is that they always look great.

We spent the evening walking the beach in Pondicherry (remember Life of Pi?) One of the best parts about Pondicherry is that there is actually space to run! You better believe I put on my running shoes at 6 AM on Sunday and went for my first run in India. It felt great, and I had the privilege of watching one of the most beautiful sunrises. Clouds lined the horizon so the sun kept peaking through the clouds' openings. Above the clouds were vibrant sun rays. As the sun rose, the rays became more vibrant, as did the sky.

Then onto Auroville. This is a utopia-like community that started in 1968. Currently, it has 2,000 residents, where the aim is 50,000. In the center of the village is a gold golf-ball looking dome, similar to the Epcot "golf ball." People can enter this to meditate. In consists of a center room with marble floors and a light, powered by the sun.

While the concept of this utopia-like village was neat, many of us were creeped out. I started realizing that maybe the best part of life is not being in utopia but instead journeying toward it.

While walking to the globe, we got first-hand experience of the impact of Barack Obama's Presidency. A group of Indian men from Bangalore started intruding in our photos so they could pose with us. I was confused at first. Then they said, "Barack Obama!!! He like India, yes?" This is being said while giving an excited "thumbs up." Another man showed us his cell phone, on which he has Obama's inauguration speech. We all had goose bumps. (Katie told us this is so different from her other travels (she has been on six prior volunteer trips) as most were not pleased with Bush, making travel abroad for Americans difficult at times.)

The last stop was in Mamallapuran were we saw 7th and 8th century rock carvings. Think of a humongous playground with rock carvings. It was unbelievable. Surprisingly, you can touch them and walk on them...and they are in fine shape, except for when idiots in the past have decided to take bats or other tools to ruin some of the carvings.

Ashrams - We saw a few ashrams, which are beautiful and peaceful. For any who are interested in going, know that because meditation is now so popular, some of the ashrams are crowded and/or overrun by tourists and bookshops. I highly recommend doing research and planning out what your expectations are. Meditating is hard enough; imagine adding tourists passing by as you are sitting in peaceful silence. I felt guilty walking through the ashram.

Now back to volunteering.