I am simply amazed each day at how reading or hearing about a culture, experience, or situation is vastly different than the experience itself. Our group has just completed week 2 of our volunteering and are beginning to have deeper thoughts about the impact we believe to be making on this small Indian community. Last night, I was brought to tears, and even as I write this, I have to hold them back a bit.
My role this week did not involve any construction; instead, I taught. I had the privilege of working with 2-5 year olds on their dexterity and English (i.e., their colors and shapes), teaching nuns and children how to use a computer, and teaching novices conversational English. I cannot express how difficult this has been, but at the same time very rewarding. First of all, each student is so patient - even when they feel frustrated about making a mistake. On the flip side, I noticed that most are afraid to make a mistake and would do anything to please me. As a result, it was difficult to get some to be comfortable with knowing that learning can be fun and mistakes are wonderful because one can learn even more from them.
Many of the people I taught this week had a very limited education and/or significant emotional problems. This meant that each day of teaching was either two steps forward or one (sometimes three) steps back. For example, I worked with an adult for the second time on her computer skills. I could not tell what she comprehended from the first time because the words I said did not seem to translate. I realized this when I tried to teach her about the "Caps Lock" key. I asked, "Is this light on or off (indicating whether the key itself is on or off)?" She looked at me with her doe-like eyes and said, "On or off," and then proceeded to slowly nod her head. This went on three or so times. I finally resorted to writing on a piece of paper that which I wanted her to depict on the computer screen and then did a lot of pointing.
Since Katie left today, my computer teaching to the orphans at SEAMs went from one- or two-on-one to three-on-one. To help keep them engaged and to determine whether they comprehended the activities of the week, I gave them a fun test that Stephen explained to them to make sure they understood the intention of the test. Their goals were to change colors of fonts, select clip art, create graphs, and draw houses with autoshapes coloring them any way they chose. (I am beginning to wonder if the word "choice" exists in the Tamil language because when I told them they could chose any color they wanted, they seemed confused.) Two of the boys flew through most of the test. The boy I worked with one-on-one prior in the week, did not. I knew he was a bit of a perfectionist, but last night, we was simply off. I wondered if he was hurt that he had to share my time with two others. Knowing that they already have to share attention with the 40 kids at the orphanage, I felt terrible. But of course, at the end of our session, he excitedly put away the computer, stood up tall, shook my hand, and proudly walked the computer back to the van. This is how all the orphans are - they have the biggest smiles, politely greet you upon each visit, but at the same time, many have very painful pasts.
When I spoke with Stephen about the difficulty I am having, he reminded me that every bit counts. I realized this is where trust and letting things go come in, which happen to be two of the most difficult things for me to do. Stephen was born here and he has been working with this community for years. As I have come to have great respect for our leader, I must try my best to trust and let go.
Based on these experiences, I begin to see that there is a fine line of right and wrong. First, who is to say what is right or wrong? Is the culture of India right or is the culture of America right? Is neither right? I have had two weeks to be both an observer and participant of the Indian culture - the way families interact, children are taught and disciplined, orphans are taken care of, the role of women. I can honestly say that I cannot answer the question, and yet we all tend to use our own versions of "right" to judge others without walking in their shoes.
One of my volunteering partners began to consider adopting one these children. She then said to me, "How would I really know if my way is better? Although this is different from what I would do, would moving him to experience my way in the States actually make him worse off?" GOOD QUESTION! (She decided it would be selfish to impose her way. She would simply have to find other means to make sure this boy is taken care of in a way that both makes her feel better and helps the boy.)
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