A Tearful Good-Bye

It is 8 am on Saturday in India, and I just walked downstairs to a near empty house. Linda W. flew to Malaysia to spend time with her host family from her Peace Corps days back in the '60s. Ginny and Ann were on the same flight to Hong Kong, where Ginny will continue on to San Francisco and Ann to Taiwan. Ann's parents will shed many tears of joy over how beautiful and adult-like their 18 year-old daughter looks when she gets off the plane in her bright orange and purple sari! Linda M. is in Mamalapuram for a couple of days of R&R before her flight departs. I am here in peace and quiet....well, except for when Roshan cries. He has a fever today.


Yesterday was our last day with the community of Chennai, and it was a good-bye filled with mixed emotions. Unlike the end of a vacation, I am looking forward to going home. At the same time, I am sad to say good-bye.

I am still feeling a bit overwhelmed by the experience I have had here, so I am not sure what to say. Maybe I will write just one more blog upon my return. :) I will say this - I will never regret this experience. It has challenged me in ways I could not have imagined and taught me so much about the lesson of walking in others' shoes and how amazing it is to experience another culture. (I even started to pick up the language of Tamil and began to think with an Indian accent!) I am inspired to create future travels in such a way that I experience the culture rather than just fly somewhere, take a few photos to say, "I was here," and go home.

Have I changed? I am not sure if one can change in three weeks time. However, I do have a whole new level of awareness about life and a great respect for the people in India and especially, our country manager, Stephen. Global Volunteers warned us about "re-entry shock." In other words, it may be difficult for us to adjust to our old way of life given what we have seen and done here. (So be gentle with me the first couple of weeks, my friends!)

So what did we do on our last day? Read on!

The morning started off with our typical schedule of a team debrief over breakfast and the reading of the team journal. Then we were off on our respective duties.


Linda M. and I finished off our construction project. In three weeks time, the inside and outside walls on the first floor have been plastered, the bathrooms completed, the wall on the second floor completed, and a new sidewalk built so the water will flow into the drainage ditch as opposed to sit around and attract hundreds of flies. This may or may not sound like a lot of work but considering these workers don't use shovels, wheel barrows, or any other seemingly modern equipment, this was a great step forward to giving the orphans at SEAM a better home. We really enjoyed the masons.


Sister Rose treated us to lunch, or shall I say a feast, at Assisi Elam. I think we counted 11 dishes for 6 people. I was thrilled that a few of them were extra spicy. Over the three weeks at Assisi, we took care of 40 kids in this daycare/orphanage, which is run by Doctor Sister Rexline, who we had lunch with yesterday. It was both fun and interesting to figure out how to teach those under the age of 5 how to sit still and how to speak English.


The afternoon was filled with conversational English and my first big good-bye. I visited St. Joseph's for a final session of conversational English. Since Linda M. was in the car on her way to her weekend getaway, it was here I said good-bye to my side kick here in India. I truly wish her the best life!


I took on her five novices as well as my own group. I was more teary-eyed walking into the room of 10 novices than during the good-bye. Our last session was filled with questions. One girl, Pasca, wrote a list of 25 questions that she wanted me to review with her and correct. Interestingly, several of these questions, if said in the US, would be insulting, so I requested she think about some of the comments to make sure they are truly OK to say here in India. For example, one was was, "Don't you know this!?" I explained to the girls that India and the US have different cultures so it might be OK to speak this way here (or maybe not) but in the States, this would be similar to telling the person he/she is stupid. They gasped and giggled!


Some other cultural differences between the US and India to take note of: 1) It is common to be asked questions like, "How much money do you make?", "How old are you?", "What caste are you in?"
2) Men and women do not eat together. The man eats first, then his wife. It is not as bad as one might think. The rationale is that the woman runs the home, which includes cooking. She knows how much her husband eats, so she makes plenty of food. While the husband is eating, he is thinking of how great it is to have such yummy food in front of him, but he wants to be sure his wife eats, so he saves food for her. So it works both ways.


Going to SEAM in the evening was the most joyous and most difficult part of the day. These kids range in age - from about 5 to 16, which meant we were able to built strong bonds. As soon as I walked in, they were "fighting" over who could hold my hands as they walked me to the play area. The boys were quick to help in any way, the first of which was to find a nice chair for me to sit in. Sanjay, the boy I would read to while on break from construction, did a solo dance for the group. Rebeka, who is on break from school, also did a solo dance. A couple of boys competed over who knew the most verses from a particular Tamil book. Another small group did a Bollywood type of dance for us.

Then the tears came. It was time to say good-bye so each child walked over to each of the volunteers to look us in the eye, shake our hand, and wish us well. Here, I realized we each impacted their lives in some way. Specifically, I taught 9 of them how to use a computer and worked with two of them on their reading skills. Linda W. prepared several for an important exam; Linda M. taught a 12 year-old to read, as did Ginny and Ann. Tears came down my face as I hugged each boy I worked with. Of course, they were more worried about me. Imagine that. (OK, now I am crying again.)

On our way out, they begged for more photos. Linda M.'s little guy must have realized the friendship she and I built. Since she was not there, he held my hand and escorted me to the car, asking me to say HI to Linda for him. Then he started to sing to me.

Good-bye, India. I wish your people well, and I appreciate you opening your lives to us all and sharing with us your great souls.

A Special Luncheon

As mentioned in yesterday's blog, we did have lunch with Doctor Sister Rexline, and what a treat this was! Since she is such a busy women with many things on her plate, she was not able to spend time with us during the entire lunch but did grace us with her presence for a brief chat at the end.

She truly is amazing. In 1975, after completing her medical degree (the first nun in her order to do so), she started what is now known as St. Thomas Hospital. It started as a one-room building and now spans several large buildings including the hospital, nursing school, convent, etc. In her early days, she would ride her bike to the local villages to determine who needed her care, whereas she now lives at the hospital so that she can take care of people's needs in a moment's notice.

Her efforts reach across India. Often through volunteers and other convents (I believe Mother Theresa's locale is also involved in this effort), she and her team assess the needs of small villages throughout India to determine the levels of fundraising needed.

Besides the hospital and fundraising, she is in charge of Assisi Elam, the orphanage/daycare we have been assisting at, homes for the elderly, and other such things. Doctor Sister Rexline told us that she cannot run all of these things as the hospital keeps her too busy so she delegates this work to others. (Her biggest challenge at the hospital is clean water, so she must send men out to get this water.)

I was impressed with her directness and strong opinion on education. She believes that education is the most important "possession" a person can have. Apparently, she knows that Stephen's wife, Sheeba, studied nursing. She reminded Sheeba not to waste that education - she should be a nurse. During lunch, we brought over the first orphan baby to ever come to Assisi - Sophia. While she is adorable, the nuns at Assisi spoil her immensely, and Dr. Sr. Rexline had no qualms about pointing out how this is impacting Sophia's behavior. We had quite a chuckle as she was so right. Sophia won't even talk to us because we make her share our attention with the other kids at Assisi. Luckily, she is a brain child, and we are guessing that Sophia is in training to one day run the hospital.

My biggest chuckle came when Dr. Sr. Rexline's cell phone rang. My immediate thought was, "Wow! So that's what a modern day saint looks like." Don't worry, our cameras were snapping away.

Outside the hospital doors is a sign that states, "Finding out the sex of your baby is illegal." I used to think China was the only country in which boys were the gender of choice at birth, but we found that this is often the case in India as well. As a result, one is not allowed to determine the gender of the baby prior to its birth for fear that women will abort the baby. Stephen mentioned that many wealthy Indian families will fly out of the country to determine the gender, and if they find that the baby is a girl, they will abort it.

We are so thankful to have had the opportunity to meet and interact with Dr. Sr. Rexline. She is an amazing women. I wish her well - she is sick and almost died last year due to several lung infections. Once lunch time was over, we were off to our afternoon duties.

Linda W. and I went to St. Joseph's for our afternoon of conversational English with the novices. Their homework assignment was to share their favorite Bible story, and I enjoyed hearing their passion for such stories. Interestingly, this discussion brought up questions by them of religion in America and my own faith. I was very careful with what I said, acknowledging America's and my faith, but that it is different from both India and what they are doing at St. Joseph's. Luckily, they are young and hungry to learn so I gave them just enough information so they understood that our life is different but at the same time was careful not to horrify or insult them. Phew!

Off to my last day of volunteering....

In Awe...

Yesterday, I visited St. Thomas hospital here in Chennai to fix up my head wound and met the most amazing woman! (Our team is having lunch with her today so I will await that before sharing too many facts for fear of stating them incorrectly.) She is a "Doctor, Sister," as she is both a nun and a doctor (the first female doctor in her order).

At 63 years of age, she runs and lives at the hospital as she takes care of patients 24-7. She was a shorter woman wearing a white habit and had such a presence that I got chills when I first met her. She spoke with great purpose and looked us deep in the eye when she spoke, thought of what to say, or listened to us speak. Even her movements were with purpose. We immediately noticed that she had only 6 papers on her desk - yet she runs the place! In the US, I don't think anyone's desk has only 6 papers on it! Stephen told us that she knew Mother Theresa. I can't wait to get to know her more at lunch today.

In the morning, Linda and I were off to construction. Since I missed construction on Tuesday for fear of infecting my wound, I gave up the opportunity to slap the cement siding on the wall with the masons as they are now done with this task. Nonetheless, we were still greeted with smiles, which I greatly appreciated. Recall that during my first week here, communications were grunts by straight-faced men. Now, we are teaching each other English and Tamil. Yesterday, we had the help of a neighbor who spoke a bit of English. They even started egging me on a bit. For instance, they were working in a very tight space yesterday and needed us to carry stuff to them. The only way to get through was to lift things over my head with my arms straight up. Quickly, they started to chuckle and would only call on me to do this. (How is it that people so quickly are able to pick up that I am the one to be egged on? And here I thought this only happens at home!) Also, the man who never smiled during the first few weeks smiled all day. I am thrilled that we have been able to build such relationships.

Last week, at the construction site (SEAM), there was a small kitten that was about one week old. Each day at SEAM, I would go check on the kitten with the intention of feeding it, time permitting. Sadly, I found out the kitten died. Given that it was without its mother and they probably did not feed it enough, it was likely not to survive. On the flip side, the one-month old kitten that was left behind at St. Joseph's is doing just fine. Her name is Raji. I get a kick out of watching this tiny thing trying to walk down giant steps to greet us after working with the novices each afternoon.

Sheeba taught us to make ginger tea. We insisted on learning as she makes amazing tea and we appreciate it helping any of the random ailments we have been hit with over the weeks. Basically, it requires boiling water into which one puts fresh ginger, tea powder, finely ground black pepper, and sugar. Once this mixture boils together, sift it into a pot, and serve. The key to making good ginger tea is the proportion of ingredients. Sheeba said that in South India, which is where she is from, they eat very spicy foods so their version of ginger tea requires a small handful of black pepper. She, of course, toned it down for us. Yummy!

Last night ended with my last shopping spree. We went to a market in Chennai with a gold store that was the equivalent size of a department store in the States - and it was filled with only gold and many Indian shoppers. There was also a silver shop and silk store. On the streets, people were selling bangles, fruits and veggies, colorful bags, and other knickknacks.

We often think of NYC as "the place to go." However, I love shopping here - the prices are reasonable and the materials, color, and tailoring are so interesting. (I am sure, though, that if I were born here, I would think the reverse.) I will admit that shopping here takes great control - I have learned that I must go with a list and set clear boundaries. Otherwise, I would fly home with 8 suitcases!

Great Expectations

Prior to coming to India, I worked hard to steer my mind from any expectations that began to creep into my mind, which I did a good job of. However, as the days here have progressed I must have subconsciously set expectations that I would never be able to meet. This expectation was to give love to the people of this community, but with that came an apparent description of what this would look like. I realized all this after coming back from my weekend away as I could not understand why my first day back from volunteering was so frustrating to me.

After a couple of days of being away in peace and quiet and the reality hitting me about my head injury, I was slow going. Luckily, there are four other lovely women here who helped me understand a bit of what was happening. By sharing their own experiences during this trip and lessons from their lives, a light bulb went off for me. I was setting an unrealistic expectation for what this trip was about.

Logically, we are here for three weeks. We are not going to fix the challenges this community faces everyday. Instead, the impact of our specific role is a drop in the bucket, although a very important one. This may seem obvious, but trust me when I say that this is a hard reality to put into practice. I would love for each child to get in a line so that I could provide each one individual attention and when I felt each was in good shape, I could help the next. That's not how volunteering for three weeks works.

Once I realized this, I made a choice to set no expectations for what helping these children looks like. I no longer visualized what "learning the computer" or "speaking better conversational English" needed to be. I simply approached each task of the day with a blank slate. And no matter how simple the task, I gave great praise for each person's win for the day. Thankfully, I had one of the best days yet. More importantly, the children were also smiling.

I also realized that it is one thing to imagine the situation this community faces but a completely different thing to understand it and apply your own knowledge to help them. It took several tries, but I think I have it down now.

Some fun/interesting tidbits from yesterday....
Stephen came to SEAMs with a bag of goodies provided by a volunteer which included chocolate and a pen. The orphans were glowing. Can you imagine that the first instinct of one of the boys I was working with was to give me his chocolate?! That is simply how they are. These children have so few possessions but their first instinct is to share what they have with their guests. Amazing!

Sheeba, Stephen's wife, helped Linda W. and I into our saris, which we wore to St. Joseph's. The novices were thrilled. The Indian community so appreciates when we dress in their attire, which I might add is way more comfortable that much of our Western wear. I am not sure if I will ever know how to put one on myself, but I can try!

Last night, the team had dinner on the rooftop of our guesthouse. The big, round moon rose over the neighbor's rooftop, stars filled the sky, and candlelight lit our table. There was a cool breeze in the air, which was refreshing given that we are approaching a hot Indian summer. What a great way to end our day.

Remember That Scene in Slumdog Millionaire?

Linda and I had just finished up our overnight trip at Safari West where we had the fortune of seeing elephants, a leopard, a bison, two wild dogs, monkeys, and several spotted deer. One of us - I'm not sure who - had the idea to take a final group photo with our drivers and tour guide, where Linda was going to pose with them first. She handed me her camera and off I went trying to get the perfect angle, and then it happened.....

All I remember is slowly walking backward when suddenly, my left foot landed in watery sludge and immediately thereafter, the back of my head slammed into the edge of a concrete sidewalk that passed over the waterway. Somewhere in between...or after..., my body began to sink. My immediate thought was, "Oh please tell me that I did not just fall into a sewer like in that movie!"

This all happened so fast that no one even realized I was "missing" until I yelled, "Ow!" Quickly, I was grabbed my several men who pulled me out. The spot where I hit my head was in pain, but other than that, I seemed OK. Immediately, I imagined what it might have looked like to watch me fall into this sludge, so I started laughing hysterically. (Maybe this was my way of easing my - and everyone else's - obvious concern.)

I was rushed to the gas station bathroom where Linda filled a bucket with water so that I could rinse off. The sludge was thick enough that this required some rubbing. I was not sure what smelled worse - the water I used to clean myself or the stuff I fell into. Once I was "clean," Linda handed me the only clothes I had that were not soaked.

I thank Linda for being there. My immediate reaction would have been to wash my hair, but once we realized my head was bleeding, she reminded me that this water would increase the possibility of an infection. Thus, she got a huge bottle of water and a first aid kit. Now, the debate was whether to go to the hospital. (Hello! I don't have a job at the moment.) Linda insisted that regardless of the depth of the cut, I should go due to the possibility of infection. This is India, after all. I agreed.

Stephen, our country manager suggested I stay local rather than wait the 2.5 hours it would have taken to drive to the next main city, Mysore. Thank goodness for this because the local hospital was quite small (i.e., two rooms) and Dr. Sally was able to take care of me right away. Six stitches (Linda thought it should have been ten) later, I was off on our drive to Mysore.

Again, Linda was amazing. She held my hand, rubbed my back, and took note of everything Dr. Sally did. Yes, iodine was poured into the wound (the worst part of all of this, by far!), a sterile needle was used to inject Novocaine, and a Neosporin-like substance was put on prior to the bandage. Linda also helped make sure that Dr. Sally left most of my long hair on my head. After all, I just spent 2 years growing it out so that I could donate it to Locks for Love this summer.

The doctor's orders were simple - don't wash hair for 8 days and change bandage every other day. Can you believe this cost me 300 Rupees, or $6 US!?

The thing I feel worst about is Linda's camera. In all the chaos, we did not realize for a while that it was left in the ditch I fell into. Aziz, our driver, graciously stuck his arm down in the sludge and retrieved it. At this point, we have removed the memory card and dried out the camera. The camera won't turn on but at least Linda has traveler's insurance, which should cover the damages. If not, I will figure out Plan B with her. Right now, I am her photographer. We have become fast friends so I am already her sidekick.

So what about this safari we went on? It was so neat! We rode a jeep through the forest, trekked through the bush, rode an elephant in the bush, rode a jeep by the canal at night, and even slept in a tree house! I did not realize that seeing an animal in its natural habitat so different from seeing one in captivity - but it is! Imagine running into an elephant in the bush knowing that at any moment it could chase you.

The most amazing part was seeing the leopard and then driving for only 5 minutes before running into a village. Can you imagine living that close to leopard territory? Had I known this, I might have thought twice about the run I went on earlier that day. I should have known of the potential danger when the guard said, "The animals usually don't come out during the day." However, given all the women wandering through the bush in bright-colored saris, I figured I was OK.

Mysore was amazing and so was the 2.5 hour drive. Given the crowds and pollution of Chennai, we were pleased to breath fresh air, see other wild animals - like monkeys on the side of the road and cows blocking traffic - and take in the acres and acres of lush land and clear water. Mysore itself was adorned with palaces currently being lived in and older ones which have been converted into hospitals and schools. We had dinner overlooking a park before heading out on our overnight train.

So I guess I had my Indian adventure, and now we are back in the swing of things volunteering. Thank you again, Linda!